Hello again dear blog

Hello my old friend, I have missed you! It has been two months since I have written and I'm not sure if I have nothing to say or too much to say.

Let's start with a common dilemma, to work or not to work. I get the "Itch" to really work every now and then. I start to think up marketing plans for my business, research the market more than usual, talk to brokers, lenders, investors. I have finally found a brokerage I think I can be really happy with, then, wait!!! What about my kids?! Those two little people who depend on me for meals, entertainment, comfort and clean diapers. The guilt sets in. Can I really be the working mom and still be a good one? I know a lot of women who do, but can I? Can I really be an attentive Realtor for my clients and still be there for bed time, play time and all the other times of the day that matter? I always do this, I think I can be part time Realtor and full time mom and the numbers just don't add up. How do the single moms do it? I have so many friends who are single mom's and are amazing at it. What am I missing?

Then there is the "Wanting more" issue. Is it just hormones or do I really want another child? Although, I guess it doesn't really matter what I want considering there is another party involved and he says never again. I don't think men understand what baby hungry is. It's not even a want really, it's more of a NEED. It's like I'm being pulled in the direction of everything baby, I look around and all I see is pregnant women or babies in strollers. Logically, I know I'm not ready for another one, I don't have the energy or sanity right now. I know babies are hard and expensive and oh so exhausting. But at the end of the night I just can't get the idea out of my head.

I will be 26 years old next week. I have an amazing husband and two amazing kids. I know I have so much in my life, but I just feel like something is missing some days. Like I don't really know myself, like life is just passing me by. I don't feel in control, I don't feel like I have any sense of direction. Most days I just fill my day with shopping, eating, TV. I just try to get to bed time, that's all. Then the next day it starts all over again. It's like I am just waiting for something, I just don't know what it is I'm waiting for.