For all of "Those" Moms...

For all of you mothers out there who feel the need to share the fact that your child was potty trained at 18 months old while balancing a book on their head and reading the bible, who like to tell people that they are doing everything wrong when it comes to parenting, who feel like it is your god given right to judge the mothers who aren't following in your footsteps....get off your high horse. You have no idea what reasons other have for doing the things they do. You know nothing about the lives of the children you so easily put down. And next time you feel like opening your mouth just to let someone know your opinion, STOP. Just walk away, go to a different web page or put down the phone, because your opinion is neither asked for nor appreciated.

How did I know?

A good friend asked me the other day when I knew that Doug was "The One". Well, I'm not sure if it was really a moment or a collection of moments that blatantly showed me I should stalk him till he proposed...but one particular moment did stick with me:

We were in the car, his beat up blue truck, driving to a party at a friends house. We had been together for only a couple months, 3 or 4 I think. Anyway, we were on 9000 S. and I was feeling a little queasy. I asked him to pull over so he found a little side road and he held my hair back as I threw up all over the curb. Nice huh? Wonderful memory. But then, Then he promptly began to find a restaurant, any restaurant that sold chicken soup. Arby's-no. Subway-no. Blimpies-Yes! So come one now, how could I just go on with my life without the man who, not only held my hair back, but tracked down chicken soup because I said it sounded good.

It did take two more years to convince him he felt the same way but eventually after many threats, beatings and threatened poisonings, he saw it my way.

Potty training

Potty training sucks. I don't know how else to put it. It's not just the training him how to actually 'deliver' but also all the things you hear. "Oh, your son is 3? He should have been potty trained long ago" "My son is so smart, he just trained himself" and "Don't pressure him too much, you'll make him NEVER want to go".

So I'm thinking I should drop him off with my mom for a week and she can do it. I've read all these books that say ask him if he needs to go, don't ask him too often or he will feel pressure, use a mini potty, have him use the family potty...etc.

Could someone please tell me a no fail way or just give me a pill so I can calm myself down?

Babies, babies and more babies...

My sisters friend is in the hospital right now, in labor. Why is it that knowing that makes me want another so bad? It is almost a feeling of jealousy. I think back to when I was pregnant with Wes and in the hospital for six long weeks trying to stay pregnant. It was so hard to be away from my little Cameron and I know it was hard on my husband even though he took care of everything so well. I know that we can't have anymore babies. I know it wouldn't be fair to the kids that we have or to my husband for me to be in the hospital again. And even worse I probably wouldn't be able to carry the baby full term, or even to a viable term age. I hate the word "viable", it's such a cold word. I think I would feel better about all this if we just knew what put me in pre-term labor last time. It could have been the surgery(gall bladder removed) I had at 22 weeks or just my body reacting to the pregnancy.

When I think about holding my two kids for the first time, I just want that again. The excitement of a new baby, watching them learn to turn over, nursing...everything. It doesn't make sense, I feel like my life is so perfect, so full, but some days I can't stop thinking about having another baby. I keep telling myself that it's hormones just making me want this.

At the same time I think I must be nuts! I'm not a natural mother, this isn't easy for me. I look forward to when they will go to school, I yell to much, I don't plan crafts and play dates like my mother always did. I stress out over small things and my kids watch WAY to much TV. I will never win the mother of the year award. Maybe if I just keep telling myself this it will make it easier to know I never get to have more.

That just sounded so selfish. I have family members who are going through fertility to get pregnant and here I am saying "I never get to have more". I am grateful for all I have, my darling sons. I will be happy, I am happy. I just wonder sometimes...

How I met Doug

Doug and I met at a pool hall, Mr. Billiards. Both of us used to go there all the time to unwind and relax before we ever met. I went one night with one of my friends Nat and she introduced me to this hansom man, Doug. I actually had a boyfriend at the time, an emotionally stale man who I was looking to get rid of anyway, but this didn't seem to bother Doug too much. That first night we went back to Nat's house and just talked till 4:00am. I just remember laying on his arm thinking, "Wow, I don't think I have ever connected with someone so fast". He was charming and hansom and he lied to me to get my number... you know you did! He claimed he would be hiring a secretary soon and that he thought he could get me the job. I'm really glad he lied because I would have been to shy to ask for his number.

It was about 3 weeks before I actually dumped my boyfriend (he was having a family crisis so I felt bad dumping him okay?!) and Doug quickly asked me on a date. He picked me up looking so sexy and he had borrowed a very nice car. We went to Outback Steakhouse and I thought, lets see what kinda guy he is... I promptly ordered an appetizer, a salad, a steak all bloody and medium rare and dessert. The sweet guy didn't even blink. The whole time he looked at me and told me I was beautiful. And no, I have never ordered so much on a date since!

Now how great is that for a beginning?

The things kids do

Wes surprised me today. We were walking up the stairs and when he saw Doug's office door he said "Daddy, where are you?" It was just darling. He was so disappointed when he realised that instead of seeing daddy he had to go down for a nap. Sad.

Right now Cam and Wes are jumping off the couch. Yes, my 18 month old is jumping too. It doesn't seem to faze him when he face plants it into the carpet. I just can't stand the sight of it so now all the blankets, pillow and cushions are in the middle of the floor in hopes of preventing a cracked open skull.

While I'm talking about my kids, does anyone know why children hate pants? Both my kids promptly take them off the minute I leave the room. I just don't get it.

A Typical Conversation

"Wes, Come here please"

"No! Go!"

"Come here, you need pants"

"AAAAAHHHHHAAAHHHH, Go, Go, Go!"

"Okay Wes, I have to come get you now, come one"

"No Way!" While sliding down the stairs as fast as possible and diving under a blanket...

Party for one please...

Tonight sucks. The thing with Cam, I drank wine so now I have a headache and I have finally realized that I have lost one of my best friends. I am not the kind of person who makes new friends easily and I pretty much have the same friends I have always had. By always I mean pretty much since I was three. I know when you get married and have kids you tend to fall away from the singles in the group, which I guess did happen a little. But all of my friends are amazing, they understand that I can't be the same person anymore, not with two kids anyway. But they have been there for me anyway. We meet up, we all have our own lives, but we all care and try to stay in touch as best we can. You guys rock and I hope that even though we don't party and chill all the time that I love you like family. Always will.

One of the really good friends I have made in the past few years was through my husbands friend. We met them as a couple, had kids together, even lived close. Unfortunately their marriage didn't make it. I hate that. So now it has turned into the whole she tells me, I mention it to Doug, he comments to Him and it gets all twisted and wrong. Remember the game Telephone? I swear, same thing. Well over the last year it has become quite apparent that our friendship just isn't going to make it so, what can I do? It sucks, I hate to admit defeat, I hate to have a friendship end over misunderstandings. But well, there it is.

Im That Mom

So today I spanked my three year old. And not once, but three times. And now I feel like shit. I feel like I'm one of those trashy moms that just beat their kids when they don't want to deal with them correctly. I didn't know what else to do. I know it sounds lame but I really didn't. When it was time for bed tonight he just went nuts. Screaming, crying, kicking, hitting. Thrashing even. When I tried to change his diaper he kicked me and twisted and screamed louder than I thought possible. So I spanked him to get his attention after giving him, like, 10 warnings. But still, I feel like a horrible mom. I just want to go in there and cuddle him and tell him what a great little boy he is and how much I love him. I just want to be the good guy. The one he always wants to cuddle and give kisses.

After all the drama ended you know what he said? "Daddy is a good daddy huh?". It was so sweet. But I have to tell you, it hurt just a little to not have him add my name to that also.

My Space

For all of you who hate My Space, you suck. I discovered Myspace.com just a couple months ago and I love being able to see what up with the people I used to know. And no, it's not like I'm wrapped up in the past or anything but really, how cool is it to see people that used to be a huge part of your life? I've reconnected with a couple of people I really care about.

Now, that said....I have also run across some people who I never expected to see again nor wanted to. It's interesting to see people who made your life a living hell, see what they are doing with their lives, or not doing which seem to be the case with most. I'm not bitter with these few, Honestly. But really, why would you message someone that you new you hurt, on purpose, and didn't show any remorse back then? It's not that I hold anything against you, I even wish you well in life. But don't expect me to write you back. Don't get all tied into a knot when I don't approve your friend request. And don't send me your bitter ramblings about how " Why can't we just be friends again?" Because really, I don't remember there being a friendship in the first place.

The dreaded FLU

I am one of those people who does not believe in the Flu shot for myself. Yes, I know Science says I'm wrong. I don't care. Every year I got a Flu shot, I got sick, so I stopped. But I thought, hey, maybe it's just me, I should be responsible and get my kids one. Well apparently if you have never had one you have to get two for the whole process to work. Okay, Have you tried to schedule two appointment exactly two weeks apart during flu seasoning just to get the shots? It can't be done. Oh, yes, it sounds simple enough but because everyone else is doing it, it is near impossible. Therefore, I have an appointment to get the kids flu shots, well the first of two on the 27Th of Jan. 7 weeks, yes, 7 after making the first of many calls.

Oh and wouldn't you know it, Both my boys have had the flu for the last two weeks. Two. Weeks. Two weeks of nastiness. Two weeks of screaming. Two weeks of changing...well, I won't say. So, really, what was the point of appointment hell if they have already had it before they get the shot for it? But at this point it really is the principle. I called. I nagged. I begged and I stole someones spot. My kids are getting that flu shot.