The Charmed Life

I have this habit of needing to look forward to something; a baby, a house, an event. Today I realized that I don't need that. I have the life I have been waiting to have. Today Cam told me that I am his Valentine and Wes told me I'm "Pwetty" with a big 'ole smile. It's been a good day.

We went to my sister's this morning to just hang out and chat. As soon as I turned into her neighborhood Wes was calling for Misty. He kept shouting her name at the window like he expected her to magically appear. When we finally reached her house, he ran up to the door and right up to Misty and yelled "Crackers!". She felt so used.

Welcome to the detour called Utah

Today I got lost on my way back from the Girlie Doctor. I was on 300 s. and 900 e and decided to get on I15. Holy shit, who new it would be so hard to get to a huge ass freeway?! Every time I needed to turn left there was a "No left turn" sign, every time I needed to turn right it was onto a closed road. At one point I was in an intersection where no matter which way I turned, there was construction. "Road Closed" "Lane ends", the best one though, a huge sign pointing toward the road closed sign saying "Detour here". You've got to love Utah.

The Terrible Horrible Dreaded two's

Wes turns two July 11th but I think he has already developed the attitude that comes with the dreaded age. The last three days have been some of the most frustrating days I have had in the last four years. Wes never stops running, he laughs when I say no, he runs away from me no matter where we are and he SCREAM, shrill like, at bed time. I'm afraid the neighbors are going to think I'm beating my kids with all the yelling that is going on. I've trying taking him out of the situation, time outs, toy's taken away; Nothing works! Is there such thing as a child trainer? I need one!

I'm sure Doug dreads coming home to this every night, especially when I break down and lose all sanity. Then he has two screaming crazy kids and a bawling wife to take care of. The other day he came home to a messy house and a messy me and promptly told me to go get some Ice Cream or go shopping, whatever, just so I could get a break. How great is he? I wonder how he has managed to put up with me through all these years.

And poor Cam. He must be the sweetest, most sensitive little boy I have ever met. But when I am already stressed to the max the last thing I want is noise! Of course Cam is VERY noisy, he is a very normal three year old boy. I think I have had to ask him to be quite about 50 times in the last three days. I don't want to break his spirit, I just want peace and quiet!

Most of all I just want sleep. Uninterrupted, no dreams, no kids, no light. Just sleep.

Father's Day

Growing up, my father was one of the only people I could really confide in and be myself around. Even when I was a screw up or trying to figure out how to exist he was always there, quietly watching, waiting to help me or give advise when needed. He always provided more than our family needed, always trying to give us the best while teaching us to appreciate what we had. It's funny, my parents tell me we didn't have much money when I was little, I guess they were struggling like everyone else at the time. I never really noticed though. We always had clothes when we needed, we always ate SO good, we even had desert every night. I remember my dad would say every now and then that he wanted us to have MORE. I never really understood what he meant till I grew up, I just didn't feel that I missed out on anything. I hope that when my children come to me after doing something just plain wrong, that I will remember how forgiving and understanding my father was. Happy Father's Day, I love you!

Anniversary Thoughts

Yesterday was our six year wedding anniversary. Crazy. Some days it seems like we just met and we've been thrown into this crazy life of parenthood and responsibility. At other times I can't remember life before him. In the last 6 years we have lived in 3 homes, we've had 3 huge job changes, I've started my career, we've had two beautiful amazing boys, we've had five surgery's between the two of us. It seems like we have been through so much already that I can't imagine what the next 10 years will hold, but I'm looking forward to more adventures with this amazing man I get to call my husband.

Chaos

I came to the decision that I can not believe in the LDS church anymore. I needed to make a decision on that, I have been in limbo for too long. I don't want to go into the reasons why, so let's just say I don't. But I do believe in God. Absolutely, no question. I believe in prayer and blessings. I believe in faith. Where does this leave me? I don't believe the bible is a literal truth. I don't have a religion. Agnostic. Such a strange word, it doesn't seem to fit.

How do I teach my children about God? How do I teach them it's okay to NOT believe what their Grandparents, Aunts, Cousins all believe. How do I teach them Grandma says one thing but we don't believe the same without offending someone or confusing the other? How do I teach my kids that they can respect their grandparents and family's beliefs while not being part of their religion?

My family has always been an anchor for me. My mom and sister and sister's-in-law are more than just family, they are some of my best friends. Once they know I will never be a part of their church will they still be? Or will it be polite and just a bit more distant? To them, this is a phase, to me it's a decision I have thought and prayed about for years. But you can't argue, explain or debate faith, can you? To them I will always look lost. To them I will always be the one that won't be with them 'After'.

Every family get together, every family trip will make out children feel just a little lost or left out. And It's not our family's fault, their religion is a lifestyle, I respect and appreciate that.
But what do I tell my child when their cousins criticize or make fun of them? What do I do when they are told they can't ever be with God or with family after death?

How do I teach my kids to respect other people's beliefs while we live in a state that won't respect theirs?

Pure Honesty

Today Cameron was supposed to have a fun filled afternoon with his Grandparents, my parents, for FINALLY being potty trained. The day started out great with Cam playing hide and seek with Grandpa then reading about 3.2 million story books with Grandma. Then came time for McDonald's. Apparently Cam had misunderstood who was taking him to McDonald's and became very upset when he discovered both Grandma and Grandpa were taking him. He informed them that, no, that was not acceptable, that only Grandpa would be taking him. So my poor mom was left behind while Grandpa and Cam had their own little play date.

Things like this make we wonder what I'm supposed to say? On one hand, Cam was just trying to express his need for play time with Grandpa, after all in the adult world we get to choose who we play with, shop with, live with. On the other, I think my mother's feeling were quite hurt, understandable to a point considering the way it all went down. How do I teach him how to be nice, take people's feeling into consideration and still be able to make decisions on who and how he plays? Maybe I am over thinking this.

I do think it is pretty cute that Cam wanted Grandpa though, I think this may be the first outing of any of the grand kids to be just with him. I always knew my kids were his favorite! kidding...kinda anyway :)