I believe in and am so many conflicting things that some times it's hard to communicate them. I know I may be wrong in some and right in others, but I FEEL them. It may not be logical or tangible, it may not make sense to other people but it's me. Truth, honesty isn't always the easiest thing for me. I don't like to be judged. I'm afraid to show how much I love things that I know other may not have, I'm afraid of telling people no and hurting them, I'm sarcastic and blunt while being overly cautious and not forward enough. I am a walking conundrum. I think to know me you would have to live with me for at least a year.
I am the impatient mother who yells at her kids in public but I am also the mother who cuddles her children, rocks them to sleep and kisses the owies better. I am the wife who wants my husband to take the leader roll at almost all times, I want to be June Cleaver while also being a Realtor, a writer, an artist and a handyman. I want control of all but I want someone to take care of everything. I mother friends who don't need mothering and I sometimes forget to be a good friend to the ones who really need it.
I'm a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister and a friend, but I have a hard time balancing my roles. I want to do it all, but all I really want is sleep. I have lists of goals for each role but they never work together. I feel like a river running in so many directions that I'm no longer moving at all. I am the queen of procrastination but I can multitask better than most people I know. I am scared of everything. Every noise, every change, every moment I am frightened of something. I fear failure so I don't try.
I believe in God and I believe in the power of thought and the universe. I believe in good things coming back to you but I don't believe you can plan on that. I believe that when things are too good tragedy or chaos will strike so I am never quite content. I complain, I bitch, I moan and I cry over simple, trivial issues but I handle the big problems with patience. I believe a person can change the world by their actions but I fail to try to make a difference. I don't believe in fate but I believe some things are meant to happen for a reason.
Some days I like myself and some days I don't even know who I am.
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