I looked around at my life today and I realized that I wouldn't change a thing. I have had more perfect moments than a person has a right to have. Moments that mean the world to me. Standing under a tree in the rain with Doug, walking down the isle looking into my future husbands eyes, the moments I first saw my baby boys, that moment in the middle of the night while nursing my child where we connect and we share each other. There are so many moments through out my life that I have wanted to stay in, just wrap them around me like a blanket and nestle in for the evening. I've realized lately that my life is what people hope for, fight for. I woke up today and looked forward to seeing my boys play and learn, I go in their rooms at night to watch them sleep, to feel near them and memorize their faces. I want to take mental pictures of them; the look on their face while they sleep next to me after a bad dream, the expression they make when they try a new food, the pride of learning a new skill. The amazing moments that happen everyday and the hope of the future make me excited to take on the next day and the next.
I thought today about whether there is an afterlife. I want to believe in one, an existence of no pain, no suffering, just people together for all time enjoying being together. I may be wrong, I may be right but that is what I choose to believe. I know that no matter what there is, the thing that matters most is how I leave this world. I need to focus on giving that extra cuddle and sitting down with my son. I need to tell them how proud I am of them and how much they mean to me. I need my husband to know he changed my life when I met him, I wanted so much less before and back then I thought I wanted the world. He made me see how perfect life can be in any given moment, to enjoy today and not worry about what comes next. I hope to leave this earth someday, a long time from now, and leave a feeling of love and pride with my children. This is my goal from now on. Create the perfect moments for them to hold onto. Create a world and a family they can feel safe and confident in. A way for them to know how amazing they are.
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1 comment:
Beautiful thoughts but take care. Perfection is a pretty lofty goal for anybody. It's a long way to fall when you fall short and all of us will. Be gentle with yourself. I'm so glad you're blogging again. And that we're friends.
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